Making Valentines Day Sweet for Your Sweetheart
Listening and Languages
Each year, lots of men I know cringe with the approach of Valentine’s Day. They wonder just what it is that will make the day special for their partners and how they can best communicate love. And we all know that the wrong thing given to a sweetheart can be worse than giving nothing at all.
Well, based on my experience in working with couples, and in my own now nearly 25 years with the same partner, I am offering some simple suggestions.
Commit to Listen
There is nothing that communicates love than a willingness to listen to your partner. I remember a marriage counselor once who told us that women in general have a built-in need to communicate about three times as much as men in general. There are certainly exceptions to this rule, but I believe the general trend is true.
Figure Out Her "Love Language"
One of the most important books I have ever read on relationships is The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. In fact, my wife and I have given this book as a wedding gift to many young couples. The premise of Dr. Chapman’s book is that we all receive love in different ways. The way we receive love best is called our "love language." Dr. Chapman identifies five basic love languages:
When my partner and I read this book, we concluded that Julie received love best by my sharing quality time with her, while I tended to show love generally through performing acts of service. So, even if I cleaned the house from top to bottom and made dinner, she didn’t feel love if I didn’t make time to spend with her.
Conversely, I best receive love through words of affirmation while Julie was a quality time giver. So she had to learn to tell me often that she loved me, admired me, and told others that she loved me for me to feel love.
These were startling revelations for each of us, and have really contributed to improving our marriage.
Pamper Her
Most of our wives and girlfriends appreciate a chance to be pampered a little. One of the best features of a home we recently purchased is a jetted tub in the master bath-just the place to go for my sweetheart to unwind and relax and feel a little pampered. Here are a few ideas about thing you can do for Valentine’s Day to pamper your partner.
Give her a day at a Day Spa. Offer to take a vacation day and stay home with the kids so she can enjoy a day spa visit-your treat. At a day spa, she can just be pampered all she wants-a little time in the hot tub, a massage, a little rejuvenation.
Plan a little romantic getaway. There are so many great bed and breakfast inns and resorts today, and they offer a real opportunity for a little pampering. You can find a comprehensive listing of bed and breakfast operators at bedandbreakfast.com.
Picture Her Glamorous. Some partners love the idea of being a model for a day and receiving a gift certificate for a glamour shot. Various portrait studios offer a service where they invite your sweetheart into the studio, do a professional makeup and hair style and create the overall glamour model look and then shoot a professional portrait. She will look and feel like a princess and you will have a permanent reminder of the experience.
Find her favorite fragrance. If you know your partner’s favorite perfume and it’s one you like as well, this can be great gift.
Memorialize Memories
A memorable Valentine’s Day gift can be one that recalls favorite memories from your partner’s past or from your history as lovers. Consider:
Fill a Memory Tin. This one takes a little thought and planning, but is sure to please. Think back about the fun times and memories you have shared together and write a little line about each one. For example, "Getting caught making out at the park," or "When you first told me you were pregnant." Then fold them up and put them in a little heart shaped tin you can find at a variety store this time of year. She will have a ton of fun remembering the good times with you!
Post the Pics. Most framing or photography stores will have picture collage frames where you can put favorite photos into mats. Dig through the pictures at home and build a photo collage of favorite memories.
Mementos in a Box. Does your partner have a dresser drawer full of souvenirs or mementos? Things like concert ticket stubs, matchbooks, restaurant napkins, etc. from your life together sometimes find their way into boxes or drawers. Consider taking a few of the meaningful ones and head down to the local framing shop to have them put in a memory box. Or you might take one or two special ones and have them encased in lucite at a local trophy shop. These can again make fun and memorable Valentine’s Gifts.
The best way to celebrate Valentine’s Day is to give your partner the gift she would appreciate, not the one you think she should have. Focus on her and not you-and this Valentine’s Day will be the best ever.
